WHERE AM I NOW?

Bipolar has not affected my life very much over the past few weeks. I have had my good days and my bad days but the good ones far outweigh the bad ones. I feel like I have a handle on things, I'm taking time for myself, and I am getting a few things organized. I have enjoyed cooking and I have taken the time to make some jelly/jam. I am not focused on myself and my problems but I'm trying to help others out. That's the best way to feel uplifted. Find someone else who has a need and talk to them, spend some time with them, or encourage them. It will help your attitude. It did min.

FOCUSED

Keeping focused seems to be a problem I have. Many days it is a struggle to just work through basic things. I decided to set goals and work to achieving them. With the help of two friends I feel that I can make it. So many times in the past I had to draw from my inner being and go alone. When no one supports you or people feel wrapped up in their own world, the bipolar person goes into depression (or at least I do).

The sun helps my attitude and although many other people are struggling with cold and snowy weather here in Arkansas the weather has been pleasant. Temps in the mid-50's and 60's. Yesterday was cold—about 30 degrees—but the sun shining made things brighter. I want to turn around my feelings and dreams this year and shove the bipolar feelings into the background. I won't be able to do it everyday simply because part of the disease is always there. But committing to finding myself, the real me that has stayed in the background, will bring the real me back to where I felt better and more in touch with life itself.

STARTING THE NEW YEAR

I can happily say that I survived the Christmas "rush" but only because I decided to do only what was important. I kept things simple and had more than one chance to catch up on my rest. My medication stayed level and only a few times did I have to increase the dosage for one or two days. (My doctor has taught me how to do this but if you aren't given any direction in this area, please don't make any changes without your doctor's approval)

Now that I am back home it seems a little harder to stay motivated but I am not going to let simple things get me down. My mood is better when the sun is shining but I can accomplish just as much when the day is gloomy. My attitude is within my mind and I can choose to keep a positive outlook.

STABILITY

One of the hardest things for me as a bipolar person is the need for stability or consistency. We have moved numerous times and over the past few years I have become very frustrated with the inability to find anything. Just one too many times of moving physical things around in the house for anything from painting to laying down flooring to having company or whatever. In one case I cleaned one whole area so I could know exactly where everything was and my husband came along about a week later and moved everything again. Talk about a down slide. I need to feel organized even if things are not “Martha Stewart” perfect. It is another part of the "disease". I questioned my doctor about this and he verified that.

DELUSIONS

I never expected to be writing about this here but early this morning I couldn't pull myself awake. My husband was getting ready to go to work and I was crying because I had imagined that he was leaving me because he no longer loved me. He had told me he didn't care how I felt, he was leaving me anyway. I had a sense that I would have to go to stay with my mother which is totally out of context with anything that I would do. I do remember that the everything involved moving and selling the house.

I'm sure that the stress of last night and the financial strain that will cause us to sell the house was probably the trigger for my dream. The feeling from the “dream” was just so clear. It took me at least an hour to come out of the fog (with my husband staying home from work until I could clear my mind).

LAUGHTER

We talk about it and how great it is to laugh and forget about everything; What I didn't realize is that I don't laugh as much as I used to. Today my hubby mentioned that it was great to hear me laugh. Earlier this month he mentioned how much he liked to hear me singing around the house. When did I become so overwhelmed that I let those important parts of life pass me by.

If I am not energetic in the morning, then I turn on the CD player and listen to Christian music. It elevates my spirit. Never let life become so complicated that all the joy disappears. Find yourself again and let happiness return again. Life is too short to even let one day slip away.

ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle.  On the contrary it means accepting it as it comes...To accept is to say yes to life in its entirety.
Paul Tournier

You can make each day a happy one by the loving things you do; sharing hopes and dreams and making wishes come true.
Hercolena Oliver