STABILITY

One of the hardest things for me as a bipolar person is the need for stability or consistency. We have moved numerous times and over the past few years I have become very frustrated with the inability to find anything. Just one too many times of moving physical things around in the house for anything from painting to laying down flooring to having company or whatever. In one case I cleaned one whole area so I could know exactly where everything was and my husband came along about a week later and moved everything again. Talk about a down slide. I need to feel organized even if things are not “Martha Stewart” perfect. It is another part of the "disease". I questioned my doctor about this and he verified that.

DELUSIONS

I never expected to be writing about this here but early this morning I couldn't pull myself awake. My husband was getting ready to go to work and I was crying because I had imagined that he was leaving me because he no longer loved me. He had told me he didn't care how I felt, he was leaving me anyway. I had a sense that I would have to go to stay with my mother which is totally out of context with anything that I would do. I do remember that the everything involved moving and selling the house.

I'm sure that the stress of last night and the financial strain that will cause us to sell the house was probably the trigger for my dream. The feeling from the “dream” was just so clear. It took me at least an hour to come out of the fog (with my husband staying home from work until I could clear my mind).

LAUGHTER

We talk about it and how great it is to laugh and forget about everything; What I didn't realize is that I don't laugh as much as I used to. Today my hubby mentioned that it was great to hear me laugh. Earlier this month he mentioned how much he liked to hear me singing around the house. When did I become so overwhelmed that I let those important parts of life pass me by.

If I am not energetic in the morning, then I turn on the CD player and listen to Christian music. It elevates my spirit. Never let life become so complicated that all the joy disappears. Find yourself again and let happiness return again. Life is too short to even let one day slip away.

ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle.  On the contrary it means accepting it as it comes...To accept is to say yes to life in its entirety.
Paul Tournier

You can make each day a happy one by the loving things you do; sharing hopes and dreams and making wishes come true.
Hercolena Oliver

BLESSINGS I NEED TO REMEMBER

Angels around us, angels beside us, angels within us. Angels are watching over you when times are good or stressed. Their wings wrap gently around you, whispering you are loved and blessed."
Angel Blessing

Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.
Og Mandino

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
Dolly Parton

PERSISTENCE

If I had to use one word that I feel describes the problems with bipolar that word would be persistence. It means that no matter how hard things get I have to keep working at the problem, taking my medication, and realizing that eventually things will turn around. It would be so easy to just give up and quit because sometimes the disease manifests itself like a depressive cycle. The good feeling of the manic stage is one that I want to hold on to but after days or weeks of that cycle, the downswing begins and depression takes over. In fact that was the reason I saw a doctor in the first place. The meds weren't working on a long term basis. What one doctor saw as depression another realized that bipolar was more accurate. I'm thankful for the diagnosis and although it may not be what I was expecting, it at least gives me a better understanding of what really is going on.

BIPOLAR I

I have never actually talked about this since I don't have this type of bipolar but it seems worth mentioning. This type of bipolar is an extreme version which has the person on a full blown mania stage. They never seem to run out of energy and can go on very little sleep. Occasionally it catches up with them but after a day or two of extra sleep the manic stage returns.

I read somewhere that bipolar can be compared to a cocaine high. If they get out of control due to hours of non-stop activity they may become psychotic are require hospitalization against their will. They may also have trouble with the police. I'm guessing that the extreme manic phase must be like a wild adrenaline rush. If the person cannot relax the hospitalization may be necessary to calm everything down.