LEAVE THE PROBLEMS AT HOME

We all need time away from home. A time to put all the problems and frustrations we normally have to deal with off to the side. Take time to really get away. For so long I took a mini-vacation. Two or three days seemed to be sufficient. And yet when I came home it seemed like I hadn’t really been able to relax. All the tasks were there staring me in the face and the break seemed too brief.

But on this recent trip to Atlanta my husband and I took an extra day to make the trip both there and back home. We stayed at a hotel and that short time of spending time together without interference was a godsend. No bothersome phone calls from work; no interrupting phone calls at home; the ability to carry on a conversation completely in full sentences; and no tasks to handle like laundry or tidying up the kitchen or other parts of the home. A complete break away from things. What a change it made in my attitude.

MUSIC AND BIPOLAR

There is an obvious connection between music and a happy frame of mind. For some time I have been depressed or feeling unconnected. Actually I prefer peace and quiet so that is probably while I don’t always focus on music as a means to lift my mood. I went out of town this past weekend and I discovered that if I took the time to listen to music my mindset improves. For me, that is quiet, soft music, traditional or contemporary Christian songs. As the notes form the melody and the song progresses I notice my mood changing. Obviously if the music was a type I didn’t like it would probably have a different effect. So, the key is to think about music and try to use it lift your mood.

WHEN I CAN'T CONTROL CIRCUMSTANCES

Recently I have had problems adjusting to some circumstances over which I have no control. In our church we only have a youth pastor right now. It seems strange without having any more staff available. I’m working to find a way to keep centered on the positive things that are happening. I won’t say that I don’t have times when I feel a little down because of the changes, but I will not allow myself to dwell on the negative. Things will come together eventually. Some things just have to take time to correct or to go through the process. It’s not easy putting things neatly tucked away in my mind where I won’t dwell on them. Yet, that is exactly what I have to do.

LEARN TO GO WITH THE FLOW

For the past two weeks I have had to remember this. I had the unpleasant task of trying to get my computer up and running. It was a long two weeks until the viruses were removed and I could get back to work. Then for the next four days I struggled with a mouse that decided to die and a keyboard that just wouldn’t come on at all. Finally by replacing both of them, I am now able to get back to normal. It made me realize just how comfortable I have gotten in having my “toys” available and depending on things running smoothly. The harder I tried to keep calm, the harder it became near the last few days. It had been so frustrating waiting that when the mouse and keyboard both were out of commission. I could feel a tinge of frustration/anger during the last day or so. I recognized that anyone else would probably be just as annoyed with the same problem.

HINDSIGHTS

I have had a few clues in the past that I was overstressed and at that time I never made the connection between stress and a bipolar connection. For one, I had serious migraine headaches for quite some time. Throbbing headaches where I would have to go to bed and have no lights on at all. Headaches that would cause nausea. Severe headaches where I would pray that the medication would take effect NOW.

I had nausea off and on for quite some time (and I wasn’t pregnant) and anything I attempted to do just left me totally sick to my stomach. I remember one time when we decided to clean the carpet at home. My head was spinning and I basically kept leaning over a bucket to be prepared when it was time to “upchuck”. I felt miserable and I think it was a sign of being overstressed. My body was telling me to get some sleep.

Prolonged sleep—for one to two weeks—was a sign that I was overstressed and was having trouble coping. During that time I had to follow through with getting kids registered at school, trying to get a truckload of boxes unpacked, getting used to a new area where I knew no one, and still trying to keep ahead of things. It was especially true of our move to AR. Non-stop stress from January (when the move became a reality) to July (when we moved) and all the way through Christmas (when the school closed for vacation and the holiday rush was over.

WITHDRAWAL

The medication that helps me to feel balanced and emotionally stable can cause serious side effects when or if I decide to completely stop taking the medication. The side effects will come into focus full force. That means I might experience severe headaches, upset stomach, shaking or trembling, erratic thinking, fuzzy mind, etc. Although I have never had these problems because I have never gone off medication “cold turkey” I understand that it is true. I have had trouble with migraine headaches in the past and they are not fun. Why would I chance a serious headache, or for that matter any thing else, by going off all my medication all at once?

WHEN YOU MISS A DOSE

There are some times that you miss medication for some reason or other. For me it is usually when I am out of town and we get home later than expected. When this occurs I normally anticipate getting home early enough to take my meds at the normal time. I usually miss my evening medication. If I have to drive home late at night—3:00 or 4:00 AM---I know that I will be more alert if I miss the Seroquel. I may do this intentionally in order to stay awake so I won’t fall asleep at the wheel.

When I do this for that night and only that night I am on a manic high and recognize why I am reacting that way. It feels good and I can see why people want to get off the meds but as the mind races the serotonin level decreases and eventually the old symptoms return. The next day I go back to my regular meds and realize that it will take one or two days until I am back on schedule. I don’t advocate doing this, but when and if you miss a dose go right back on schedule with the next scheduled time for medication. Don’t fall into the mindset that you can handle it without the meds unless you are on the doctor’s orders.

HALLUCINATIONS

Personally this is something that I have never experienced but I know someone who had this problem. The young man was a Rhodes Scholar who got up to the last semester and then decided that he just couldn’t finish college. Naturally his parents were upset but there didn’t seem any way to convince their son to change his mind. When he went into counseling he was having hallucinations; a sign of the more advanced form of Bipolar. It took several weeks before the medication took effect and the hallucinations disappeared.

Reaching a point where he felt better, the young man went off his medication. Wrong choice. He went into a downward spiral and the hallucinations came back, only more pronounced this time. He had to get back on his meds and spend 6 weeks in the hospital to get everything corrected. However, he hadn’t learned yet the importance of staying on medication. He went off his meds again and had to repeat the time spent in the hospital. Each time the hallucinations were stronger.

Moral of the experience: Each time you go off your medication the harder it is to get back on track. When the symptoms return they are stronger than when you were on a balanced regular dose of medication. No matter how you feel, especially when you feel at the top of the world, don’t quit or change anything.

MEDICATION AGAIN

I have struggled over the past few weeks to try to understand why I feel so good for about 3-4 days then just lose interest in things. I now understand what is going on. I was to take Effexor XL every day rotating the dosage. 225 mg. one day; 300 mg. the next day. After spending 3-4 days on the higher dosage when I dropped to 225 mg. even this slight dosage drop eventually pulled me down. For now I have to stay on 300 mg. every day. I’ll discuss this on my next doctor visit. (Dec.1)

ADJUSTING YOUR MIND

No, not physically adjusting it; mentally changing my train of thought from I can't do to I can do. I have this feeling inside that I can't handle something so I don't even try. It's almost like I am afraid of failing or feel like the goal is too unreachable. It's a difficult mindset and I know it is a type of rationalization but I can't seem to make any progress. If I do attempt to start working on a goal I can handle it for 3 or 4 days then I lose my perspective. I feel so bad that I can't get back on track. I think I really need someone to talk to who has my undivided attention Hubby can tune out almost anything so if I say anything of importance he only hears part of it or doesn't give me the full attention I want. We all need someone to motivate us.

TIME FOR FUN

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

"Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures."Henry Ward Beecher

"...procrastinating is hard work."

"Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wing, and only character endures." - Horace Greeley

NEED ENERGIZED

I have discovered this week that it has been extremely hard to stay focused. I get up and feel like I have no energy. I determine that the next day will be better and when I wake up I can't always follow through. For example, my hubby was awake most of the night. He woke me up twice with loud screams due to leg cramps. That was bad enough but then he forgot to shut the alarm off and after ringing at least 3 times, I gave up on trying to get a full 8 hours of sleep. I did get up around 8:00 and took my Effexor and let it kick in. It took a couple of hours before I felt ready to face the world but know I am on track.

At times like this I wish I could turn a switch on and go full speed into manic mode. It sounds like a good option only I know that I can't get on the old roller coaster. When I ride the waves of bipolar without medicine I remember how I felt before going on medicine. I can't go back to that. It's too much of an emotional mood swing that leaves me completely out of focus.