MEDICATION CHANGE

With my stark revelation about the anger and internal turmoil I also realized something else. My medication was too strong. I have to relearn again how to monitor this change. At the beginning of the month I was anxious and needed a larger dosage. Alternating days didn’t really help much so I stayed on the larger dosage for a week or so. Now I have made the connection I wish I could have made a week ago. The higher dosage was too much and although I didn’t immediately realize what was going on, it was making me depressed without any motivation to do anything.

I felt so overwhelmed that I didn’t even want to try things. In my mind the effort to do something was so exaggerated that I gave up without trying. Now that the drug is evening out I have the motivation back and am handling tasks that I wouldn’t have attempted even last week. It’s amazing just how important keeping the dosage correct is. I also realize that the two moments of anger were not the real me talking. It was the extra meds causing agitation and making me angry. Today I can see it so clearly. If only I could have seen it earlier.

But I found my way out of the maze and that’s all that matters.