TEMPER TANTRUM

Yes, as much as I don’t want to admit it, I had another day when I got so mad I just couldn’t keep it in. I hate getting mad and it’s not part of my normal personality. I was always the compliant child who sought gratification by trying harder to get attention. Most of the time it worked. But what I didn’t see was that the pattern in childhood would carry over into adulthood and trying to keep all the pain deep inside where others could not see it was not healthy.

I was always concerned about my anger and I used to chat in therapy over my feelings. My counselor said that I probably didn’t come even close to what most people experience when they are angry. It’s just that I don’t let off steam for such a long time that when I do “blow up” it seems to be uglier that it may actually be.

At times I feel like the weight of the world in on my shoulders and when I feel so alone, IF it continues for a long time, depression sets in full force. That’s what I realized today. I feel 100% better and I think I am actually feeling alive and worthwhile. I didn’t realize exactly how depressed I really was.

Through all of this, I am thankful that I have a loving husband who may not yet understand bipolar but who seems to take it in stride. And, to my poor cat who went in hiding for several hours, I am glad that I never considered even once in taking my out anger at you!! Now, kitty, kitty…where are you?